Rosetta is 5 foot 9 inches with an endomorph physique. She wears too much makeup, over accessories, believes gaudiness is fashion, thinks her best feature is her voluptuous beasts and has a penchant for wigs. Minutes before leaving for an anticipated party with her best friend, feeling especially excited and glamorous she makes a dramatic entrance requesting her friend’s opinion. You can picture it can’t you? The fashion show walk, the pose and finale, the outstretched arms in a ‘tad-dah’. But her friend’s response is “you look like a drag queen”.
The response typical of candour appears realistic, given the description of Rosetta’s muscular body type, fondness for heavy make-up, wigs and no doubt committing the style faux pas of legs, cleavage, big hair, makeup and heels all at once. There is no ambiguity in the retort, leaving Rosetta to interpret the feedback negatively as an insult rather than gleaning an insight.
I remember reading a story of a mother wishing to connect with her teenage daughter deciding a shopping trip is ideal. The daughter selects a fitted outfit she loves. The mother however states the outfit is inappropriate suggesting she opts for a style suitable for her body shape. Does she want to connect with her daughter? Jeez! This is a classic case of candour being instrumental in creating body dysmorphic disorder common in teenagers and young adults.
In today’s society, our advocacy of being true to ourselves, a heightened sense of social conscience together with the advent of ‘political correctness creates a dichotomy. The word ‘fat’ used in an adjectival format immediately provokes condemnation, though the term is both an actuality and epitome of candour. Candour it would seem has been relegated to being ‘non-pc’, a double-edged sword of uncompromising honesty on one hand, but maligned as callous insensitivity on another.
We can argue the point for polite partial truth or absolute truth but in a majority of cases most people whether in relationships, friendships, or business back the latter. Candour may not be conducive to making friends and influencing people, but there are situations when it comes into its own. Specifically in an intervention when uncomfortable truths may well prevent friends from making unfortunate mistakes and feelings must be forsaken. We all know of a family member or friend who is equally revered or ostracised. They have no qualms in advising a friend to get a grip, stop complaining and throw out their lazy, sexist, low-life partner; enlightening a promiscuous friend they are a hussy, confusing sex with love and intimacy; telling another their sniffling habit is vile and hypochondria tendencies exhausting.
Tradition still advocates for etiquette and is considered mutually advantageous to the giver and receiver. Candour of course fails in this category, instead, tends to infuriate.
