Criticised for its authoritarian parenting style and use of corporal punishment, Caribbean parenting nonetheless has constructive aspects. This deep-seated cultural practice sets clear boundaries, fostering independence within limits and instilling respect, discipline, guidance, accountability and obedience.
Some of the practices mentioned in this post relate to the parenting style of the Silent Generation, the parents of 50+ black women (baby boomers). Some have gone by the wayside with modernity, but others have endured.
As a rule, the Caribbean upbringing of 50+ black women remains deeply rooted. Many experienced ‘licks’ (beatings). Who remembers their mother’s warning to fix their face if annoyed? Or told, ‘I will give you something to cry for’ if she deemed your tears unnecessary? Raised with clear guidelines of what was acceptable and what was not, the importance of honouring and respecting these guidelines was abundantly clear.
Parents felt their responsibility was to nurture, guide, and enforce moral authority. Childrearing and socialising aimed at producing good and obedient children. Good equated to being academically successful, cooperative, respectful and compliant, deemed sacrosanct. Those who behaved otherwise were deemed bad.
Social graces continue to be paramount. Girls must keep their knees together, never apart, and not climb trees. Saying good morning and afternoon to parents instils respect for others. Leaving the table before everyone had finished dinner was forbidden. Children were to be seen, not heard. Daring to intervene, interrupting adults’ conversation, or back-chatting was unheard of.
A unique aspect of Caribbean parenting is its extended community, whereby other family members, neighbours, friends, and schools can reprimand misbehaving children. The community spirit is essential to reinforcing the values of respect and obedience, but it has waned.
It was and still is customary to assign household chores to children so that they can pitch in and help the family. Girls customarily sweep the house, wash dishes, and undertake errands. Boys cut the lawn, help their father clean the car, get heavy items from the shop and help in the garden.
Religion is a deep-rooted tradition whereby churchgoing and Sunday school significantly shape children’s moral compass, providing a strong ethical foundation.
In conclusion, here we are today. How diametrically different are the rearing practices from 50+ years ago? Kids assert themselves in ways that would have been unheard of back then. Conversely, psychological studies now advocate Authoritarian Parenting, obviously without punitive discipline, as the preferred approach. They emphasise that the lack of boundaries causes immense problems, sometimes giving children more power than they can developmentally handle. Additionally, guidelines make children feel safe and have more self-control and reliance.
With a broader perspective, parents can see what their child needs and usually keep parental authority regardless of whether they throw tantrums – viewing not getting what they want as a development exercise.
