Photo:@pixaby/Nappy.co
Though the Wind Rush Generation’s legacy is one of contribution, struggle and positive change to British society, rarely talked about are the specific problems associated with the separation between parents and children during their exodus. For the children left behind or those sent to the Caribbean to live with family. For some the separation caused a major relationship disconnect, which never led to bonding and ultimately as adults to estrangement. Intentionally distancing themselves due to a parent’s toxic or abusive behaviour, betrayal, or failure to acknowledge the hurt that was caused.
I belong to a group of children who were sent from the UK to live in the Caribbean. I lived with my maternal grandparents in Montserrat from age three, returning to the UK at age eight. My story is a happy one. But I can relate to the adjustment of getting to know two people who in effect were strangers, as well as parents. I have to give kudos to my mother who persevered with me. Being very touchy-feely, I would stiffen when she hugged, cuddled, or kissed me, wishing she would leave me alone. Thankfully, it didn’t take long to bond with her, because I thought she was pretty; she always talked to me about life and I began to enjoy her playful personality. More importantly, she sat me down and explained why she made the decision to send me to live with my grandparents. What was also a great benefit as I grew up, was hearing her talk about her life as a young girl to womanhood, which aided in knowing and understanding her, not just as a mother but as a person.
I have known several people with a similar background to my own and heard the horror stories from senior school classmates and college friends who on arriving in England were having an atrocious time at home. Most of them experienced the repugnance of abuse and toxic relationships with their parents, though mothers seemed to be the main culprits.
The love of parents is often taken as a given, but unfortunately, toxic parenting is every child’s nightmare and entails varied abusive characteristics, namely, but not exhaustive is:
Physical Abuse – The Caribbean corporal punishment of licks is a common punishment practice, sometimes out of proportion to the child’s misconduct. This authoritarian parenting is undertaken to exact extreme control to ensure complete obedience.
Verbal Abuse – Cursing, shouting and indulging in harsh destructive criticisms, aiming to humiliate the child during explosive outbursts.
Unmet Emotional Needs & Manipulation – The child feels unloved due to a lack of affection or empathy and in some cases witnesses the favoritism exhibited to siblings who seem to meet with the mother’s approval. Their opinion, ideas and preferences are ignored as they struggle with rigid, unrealistic rules, being shamed and made to feel guilty in a volatile atmosphere of sudden angry outbursts.
Is it any wonder an abusive toxic parent is ultimately estranged? Yet, they regard their children as ungrateful, disrespectful; failing to honour them (considered sacrosanct), despite their total failure to acknowledge the hurt, and more importantly, the psychological damage they have caused by their abhorrent behaviour.
What is your Wind Rush Parent experience? Do share in the Comments section.
