British-born women who decide to live or retire in the Caribbean are not, in the true sense, conventional ex-pats. The Caribbean, after all, is part of their heritage, hence, they do not follow the standard categories of trailblazers, career women (though some are), adventure seekers or corporate spouses. Still, though every ex-pat’s journey is unique, the commonality of adapting to cultural challenges, traditions, lifestyle, and occasional homesickness for family and friends exists for all ex-pats.
Both British-born, my husband and I retired early in Tobago, my husband’s parents’ homeland. When meeting other ex-pats, it was not coincidental that we all experienced the same story stereotypes of ex-pat life – in the main, loafing in bed late (not the case by the way), lounging poolside for most of the day or at the beach, always basking in the weather of eternal summer, leisurely drinking rum punch at any given time, watching sunsets with a tipple in hand on the balcony, having a maid/cleaner and allegedly, living ‘The Life of Riley’ (an effortless and comfortable life with few worries).
The fact is, after the honeymoon period of excitement wanes, reality kicks in. Some days, you miss home, family and friends and feel frustrated dealing with day-to-day living and unfamiliarity with traditions, language, and bureaucratic systems.
I quickly learned that, albeit from Caribbean heritage, the lens of reality for me and the nationals differs. Based on tradition, experience, and personality (nature vs nurture theory comes to mind). A major surprise was how English I was, the accent aside, though this seemed to cause surprise, being black, yet having an English accent. I was merely perceived as a black woman in Britain and had rarely considered being British. But, I, too, had the habit of always apologising and saying ‘thank you’, the love of gardens, predominantly for flowers rather than food; a love of a cup of tea; do not greet all and sundry with ‘good morning’, while non-compliance is considered bad manners in Tobago.
Additionally, I encountered building floor mix-ups, assuming the ground floor was such and not the first floor and ” on blue skies and sunny days, which is expected, being the Caribbean would comment “what a lovely day”?
Like any ex-pat, I had much to learn about my new home, its history, culture, food, health care system, language, etc. I was fascinated by Tobago’s chequered history and the fact that it had changed hands thirteen times among its European colonisers.
I learned to cook the national dishes and was particularly surprised by the common practice of adding sugar to cooking. The healthcare system is not entirely free; there are only two seasons, rainy and dry. Although familiar with Patois, T&T’s Patois is different, plus the carnival extravaganza in February is the biggest in the Caribbean. Its unique steel pan is the only new instrument invented in the 20th century. The warm weather is conducive to indoor/outdoor living, adding to the laid-back reputation and aspiration of the Caribbean lifestyle.
I can vouch that, ultimately, ex-pat life in the Caribbean is about:
- Learning to adapt. It is essential to assimilate and embrace the cultural surroundings and new way of life
- Letting go of set ideas and expecting the same social and way of life left behind
- Attending cultural events and festivals
- Learn to cook the local cuisine
- Learn the language. In my case, I had to learn T&Ts patois
- Use the local services, buses included, though most ex-pats drive
- Be more culturally aware and sensitive
- Pursue local connections and friendships. The nationals are a minefield of information
- Seek expatriate communities. They are great for meeting and making friends, getting good advice, meeting like-minded people, and even fellow compatriots. Plus, they are in a similar situation to you
- Explore the different neighbourhoods and country at large over time
Adapting to make the Caribbean home, the truism of “Home is where the heart is” is apt. Engaging with the culture and community and forging a profound connection creates a sense of belonging. Your home country always remains, so having two homes is a bonus.
