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Mortality is rarely at the forefront of anyone’s mind, as death has long been universally feared and a taboo subject.
I know what you are thinking, death is such a morbid topic. Morbid it may be, but this is a conversation that needs to be had between spouses or partners and an honest one. Ideally, earlier than 50+, considering its timing is mysteriously unknown, inevitable and indiscriminate.
In addition, though the average lifespan today is 79.1 for women and 73.61 years for men, exceeding the biblical two scores and 10, it is increasing. This crucial conversation is not a ‘should’ situation, but a ‘must’, to establish a clear understanding of a spouse or partner’s wishes. The crucial first step is knowing their religious or philosophical values; what type of send-off they wish; their preference for burial or cremation; do they want a wake etc. although traditional in Caribbean culture.
The onus on the remaining spouse is multiple and can seem overwhelming when they have to deal, not only with the loss and how they will cope going forward, but the multiple organising, and administration involved. Invaluable is knowing the whereabouts of a will; insurance policies; birth and marriage certificates; bank details; internet passwords; mobile access codes and contact details of the family; and friends; the plumber, electrician, car mechanic etc. (preferably also available is a written or typed list).
The emotional; psychological; religious and spiritual aspects of death are unique to each person. Some resonate with the stoic virtue, that life without death is impossible and is nature’s will, on par with falling leaves in the autumn and new growth in the spring. Others accept as true, the hypothesis that before birth we had no consciousness and the same applies to death, hence there is no need for fear. Interestingly however, those who have experienced a near-death experience, report they no longer fear death because they have seen what comes next. Likewise, Christianity advocates a better life at the resurrection.
Food for thought quotes:
“No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow” (Euripides)
“Don’t send me flowers when I’m dead. If you like me, send them while I’m alive” (Brian Clough)
“If we lose love and self-respect for each other, this is how we finally die” (Mayo Angelou)
Have the conversation.
